Welcome

Hi. Is this as strange for you to read as it is for me to write? If you are reading this it is because you know that I have breast cancer and you want to know what's going on and want to stay connected. I still don't believe this is real so it's hard to know what to write. I find that I start to write several times a day but don't know where to start. Some minutes I am feeling powerful and strong and some minutes overwhelmed (most minutes overwhelmed) and want to just sleep. I am waiting for someone to pinch me and wake me up from this dream but so far no one has so I am going along with it.

Here it goes:
The story... I felt a lump. A hard lump about the size of a marble about four months ago. Sometimes it was hard to find so I sat with that information for a while. Partially because I didn't know if I REALLY felt something and partially because I wanted to see if the size changed during or after a cycle and to see if it was painful (of course after three months it DID become tender from feeling it all day long for three months) and partially because my insurance sucks.

Eventually I trusted my instinct and visited Howard Brown Health Center. Their Women's Health program is for low income and under insured women. That's me! Every staff member I have worked with has been wonderful by the way. A couple of them even check in with me several times a week to see if I need to talk or if I want info on support groups and/or counseling.

The doctor at Howard brown did a clinical exam and did not feel much of a difference between the breasts but said that I know my body best and that if I feel a lump then the next step was to get an ultrasound and mammogram to make sure everything was ok. Side note: All of the other doctors I have seen since have not been able to feel anything either. They can not believe that I found a lump and think it is amazing that the doctor at Howard Brown sent me to get further tests. Side note #2: Someone remind me to send that doctor at Howard Brown a thank you card.

A week later, on Halloween, I had an appointment for an ultrasound and mammogram at Illinois Masonic. That experience, although I could tell something was not right, was funny. First was the ultrasound. I could not see the screen because it was behind me but once the tech was there she said, "Wait here. I am going to go see if the radiologist needs to see you". While she was gone I peaked at the screen but could not tell what anything meant. She came back a few minutes later and said that he did not need to see me but that he wanted me to do a mammogram. I said, "So when do I do that?" and she said, "Right now." So we went down the hall and I met another tech who performed the mammogram. She said the same thing as the other tech. I could tell by both techs tone that something did not look right. In fact the first tech said that I would get a call in two to three business days and then the second tech said, "Call your doctor tomorrow". Thirty minutes later I received a call from my doctor at Howard Brown telling me that they found a mass. And the rest is history. Or information that you will read below if you would like to learn about all of the juicy details.

So, from here I have to decided how I want to proceed with breast reconstruction. They want to perform the Mastectomy within one or two weeks max. All of the other blogs are notes from different meetings with different doctors. My mom took those notes and they are great.

I am going to try to focus on myself until the surgery. There is a place called Wellness Place that is near my parents house that I am looking into that offers services at no cost to those living with cancer. Score! They offer Yoga, T'ai Chi, massage therapy, healing touch therapy, reflexology, art therapy and much much more. I am very excited about this. I do not know how to focus on myself and am getting a cold because of all of the stress so I think this place sounds perfect for me.

This has made me realize that "people are good". I am not joking. No matter what kind of a day I am having there is at least one time each day where I stop and take a deep breath and smile and think, "People are good". I feel so loved and blessed from everyone in my life. Thank you! I have been touched and amazed at the support I am receiving. It would be impossible to get through this without it. Know that I read the e-mails and cards and texts and listen to messages but am being bad about returning them. That's not from the cancer though. That's just Judy being Judy. But now I will blame it on the cancer!

With all of this said you will be happy to know that I have a big list of funny observations or ideas that have come out of this (and we are only four weeks into this). Get ready GayCo. I will have a dozen scenes written for the next show about cancer!

I am ready to get through this scary "bump in the road" as everyone is calling it. I am ready to stop thinking about this 24/7. I am ready to fight cancer and kick it's ass. Let's do it!

Love you all,

Judy

p.s. Make sure to download Melissa Etheridge's "I run for life" song. It's about breast cancer. I have it in my car and listen to it at least a dozen times a day. Very powerful. Daphne requests it by saying, "Run".