It's been a while

FUNK
Hi. Since I last wrote I am/have been in a funk. Its hard to get out of it! Man, oh man. Am working on it though so I will keep you posted.

BIRTHDAY
On my birthday, a week back, I saw my Oncologist to check in, talk about how I am doing on the Tamoxafin, etc. My first reaction to only have found time to meet with him was on my birthday was, "What a birthday." But then realized how lucky I am to have found the lump when I did, catching the cancer when I did, allowing me to celebrate another birthday (and many more to come). It was an emotional birthday - in a good way.

HALLOWEEN
Tomorrow is Halloween and it was last Halloween that I was sitting in Ashland tire and auto fixing my flat when I received a call from Howard Brown telling me that the results of my mammogram and MRI were not. All I remember about Halloween last year was standing in a crowd of people watching the parade in boystown...all of it being blurry and in slow motion. I am very excited this year about taking Daphne trick or treating. I can't wait. She says she is going to be a princess or a spider. She understands about dressing up and pumpkins but she doesn't quite understand the trick or treating part. The terrified look she gives me when I try to explain to her that we are going to walk around and ring peoples doorbells and then when they answer say trick or treat and they will give us candy- is priceless.

MISC
Other things on my mind are: my Cancer date (Nov. 7th- the date I got the call from my doc confirming it was 'the bad kind')...Christmas in the hospital...all of these firsts are going to be sentimental for me. Making me think about where I was, Where I am now and what's next.

NOV 9th
November 9th is the date I am anxiously awaiting. That is when I have my mammogram and MRI. I am anxious to have this done so that I can believe that the chemo really worked.

ME
I have been trying to focus on me lately. I was in such a deep depression and didn't know what to do. So, three weeks ago I joined the gym, started a diet and started taking all of my meds that I stopped taking when I was diagnosed (many people told me that that seemed like the worst time ever to go off my meds. Its true...and funny to me now).
I am still not completely, "in the moment" but I knew I had to start somewhere and trying to loose some of the 45 lbs I gained from the steroids and the depression seemed like a good place to start. Oh, and taking my meds seems to be helping, too. Who knew?!

HEALTH INSURANCE
I still have no health insurance by the way. Still trying to get public aid but apparently me being a lesbian mom really complicates things. According to my case worker my case is, "confusing and complicated and the strangest case I have ever seen." Makes me feel special.

IN MY THOUGHTS
In my thoughts are Rachel who recently found out that she has to fight this fight again and Linda who fought so hard but was taken away from us last week. My heart goes out to their families and friends as well.

Love to you all,

Judy