Since I last blogged

Hi. I have not blogged in a while because I have been in a funk since then and didn't want to be a downer. So, I waited till I had positive things to say, too!

COMING OUT:
I think I have turned a corner though. I have started socializing with other women with Breast Cancer and cancer survivors and that has helped. I have wanted to do this the past seven months but I had so many feelings around it. Even now when strangers come up to me to ask me if I have cancer I don't know what to say. I say, "Yes. Well, I don't know. I finished Chemo in April". Or if they ask if I am a "survivor" I say, "Yes. Well, I don't know. I finished Chemo in April".

I went to a conference type gathering called, "Day of Sharing". It was my first cancer outing and I loved it. It was great and touching to be in a room full of Survivors (about three hundred women and a dozen men). They day was filled with inspiring key note speakers, Q and A with a panel of experts, a raffle (which my mom and I scored big time on!) and silent auction, lunch, Vendors and Survivor fashion show. The fashion was the best part. As each survivor walked the runway they shared her (and one guys) Breast Cancer story. It was sweet, emotional and inspiring. I am going to volunteer next year and you are all invited and encouraged to attend. I will remind you about it later. Don't worry.

The weekend of June 6th some family and friends and I will be doing the "Relay for Life" to raise money for cancer research. We have a team where one person from our team has to be walking at all times for twelve hours! Wait. Not one person for twelve hours. You know what I mean...it's a relay. It's from six pm to six am so you get to camp out, too! I will be begging I mean fundraising for this soon so you will be hearing from me soon about that!

On Mother's Day my family and friends and I celebrated the end of my chemo, as well as Mother's Day by going to see the White Sox game. It was Breast Cancer Awareness day. There was a parade before the game and the first ten thousand ladies received pink sox draw string bags. The players batted with pink bats and they had pink wrist bands. The umps had them, too! My nephew said that all of the Major League games did this on Mother's Day. It was fun. The Sox lost big time so we were all able to talk and catch up with each other.

I also watched the documentary "Crazy, Sexy, Cancer". Highly recommend it. I laughed. I cried. I wrote.

I have been writing a lot. That has been helpful, too.

EYE BROWS:
I am still very self conscious about loosing my eye brows. It was odd because I thought that loosing the hair on my head was hard to deal with. I did not think that I would mind with loosing my eye brows. When I finally started not feeling self conscious in public with my head...I loose my eye brows. A few weeks ago I was talking to my students and told them that I lost my eye brows. One student said, "How'd that go for you." and I said, "Well, I cried for three day but now I am better." I went around the first few days not being able to make eye contact with people. I thought if I just looked down constantly then people wouldn't notice and if they did notice I wouldn't see them gasp in horror. I am a little better about it now but I still tend to look away from people or when I do make eye contact with a clerk at Walgreens I wonder if they are staring at the place my eye brows should be. I notice that I notice other people's eye brows. I am watching "A few good men" and I just noticed Tom Cruise's bushy eye brows. I already had such body image/self esteem issues growing up - hell and way into my adulthood - it's hard to go through it all over again.

BREAST RECONSTRUCTION:
I am getting toward the end of my breast reconstruction. Thank god! I didn't realize how over it I am! Tomorrow I go for one final "juicing". My right breast will officially be one full cup size bigger than my left. So, that will be fun trying to wear a bra that fits! Tomorrow my doctor and I will pick a surgery date! The surgery will be a day surgery where I will go in and get my expander taken out, an implant put in and a lift on the other side. Five months ago I didn't care too much about the lift but holy crap - now I can't wait. My breast look ridiculous they are so lop sided. I didn't realize how happy I am to be done with this reconstruction...but I think it is obvious with all of my exclamation points!!! The surgery will be in mid June. At some point after that I will go back for a nipple and areola then voila! Breast!

I think you are all caught up now.

Talk soon.

Judy