Here we go again! and other random thoughts

My hospital bag is packed. Does this sound familiar. This time I packed mostly the same things minus the books. Who am I kidding? The magazines and the crossword book are mostly for visitors. I imagine that like last time I will mostly sleep...and if the Bulls game is on watch that while drifting in and out.

My New Years resolution is to ask for help. I am noticing a theme in my e-mails and blog comments. People offering to help and reminding me that I am not alone. I am not good at asking for help. For example, when I went to the Chiropractor last week for some stretching and therapy I was in too much pain to tie my shoes and put on my coat by myself when I was leaving and I looked around and everyone looked busy and I didn't want to bother them or admit that I needed help so I walked out with shoes untied, carrying my coat. I later laughed about this because anyone of the the staff members there would have helped me in a second if I would have asked. They would have even carried me to the car if that is what I needed. So, with that said I am going to ask for help and let people show me that I am not alone.

I haven't been writing lately because when I think about writing it is usually around one or two in the morning and those thoughts are best kept for my journal. I am doing great though - physically. The exercises are helping a huge amount. I feel like I can move my arm about 60%. I can put on a shirt by myself. It looks funny. With lots of pausing and breathing but I can do it and that give me more independence and I like that. Emotionally it depends on the day and time of day. All I can say is that it is like a rollar coaster. I am mostly on the fun part of a rollar coaster. I guess that was a bad anology because I hate rollar coasters. I have never been on one because they terrify me. Well, maybe that was a good analogy then.

I am more angry about this surgery. I am not nervous - yet. I was able to sleep last night unlike last time. When I woke up it was more like, "Here we go again."

By the way, I packed ankle socks to wear under my hospital socks. I told everyone that I was going to do that the next time but I just thought I was being funny because I didn't think there was going to be a next time.

So, here we go again and like last time though (no matter how frustrated or scared) the last thing I will do before the anesthesia kicks in is - I will take my surgeons hand and look up at the ceiling and look at the tile that looks like a hundred different smiling faces and think about all of you being with me through my surgery.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Judy