Final round of chemo!

It's here! It's here! I had my final round of chemo yesterday. Started feeling a little funky as of yesterday afternoon so that is annoying. I had mixed feelings about yesterday. It was very sweet to receive hugs from nurses telling me congratulations on being done but I could not share their happiness though because I don't feel done.

I guess because there is still more to come. So, I am not done. I didn't get a clear answer as to when I can say that I am cured. My Oncologist said that breast cancer is tricky because after chemo it still tends to linger. The Tamoxafin treatment will help with that. Then there will be tests every few months to keep a close eye on it.

I have been through all kinds of emotions since the first abnormal tests. Seeing doctors every week and then now I'm done with chemo what does that mean? I am in kind of a limbo stage. My mom said that she talked to some chemo nurses yesterday and today and they warned her that more often than not that this time is harder for women because they feel like their safety net of doctors and nurses are gone and it's a scary time.

I am still mostly sure that I don't need radiation but we opened the subject again when we thought it was closed. My Oncologist wants to run my pathology report by the Radiologist to get his opinion. That was shocking to hear just because I thought no radiation was a given. My doctor feels confident that we will not need to go that route but that doesn't really make me feel better since my doctors were pretty sure early on that this wasn't even breast cancer in the first place.

My Oncologist also talked again about throwing me into early Menopause but there is not much to discuss on the matter until we see what the Tamoxafin will do to my cycles. But it's just the idea. He said that going into Menopause in my thirties would not be the best thing for my body either but would reduce the risk of breast cancer reoccurring. It also made me sad that even though I am not planning on giving birth or getting pregnant that the choice might be made for me. Once again, another part of it that I don't have a say in.

Then there is the fact that I weigh more now that I have ever weighed in my life. The nurse told me to blame the steroids so I said ok. I would. My eye brows are falling out and look like a bad wax or tweezing job. A good wax or tweezing job would have been fine by me with my bushy eye brows.

My positive story of the day: I got hit on by a cute young woman at the park today. I decided to go for a walk to get some fresh air before my big weekend in bed and to think and clear my head. I was walking very slowly. I mean very very slowly. The older people with walkers were going faster than me. I head my head down just thinkin' then all of the sudden I hear, "Excuse me." I turned around and I looked at her and she said, "Oh. I was just letting you know that I was passing." I said, "Oh. Ok." Then she said, "Are you in a relationship?" and I said, "Ya." and she said, "That's too bad." Then she said, "I hope you are not walking to loose weight." and I said, "Kind of." Then she said, "It's good to have a little meat on you." and I said, "Thanks." and smiled real big. Normally that kind of thing might bother me but it was a pretty perfect time for that to happen to me.

Till next time...Judy